I woke up this morning with the distinct feeling that you were beside me, only to rollover and discover the sad reality that you are in fact gone. I lingered in bed a while longer, waiting to fall back asleep in hopes of seeing you again but instead opted for a shower. A hot, “lava” (note the redundancy) shower. They always seem to make me feel better, or they did. But, I was again reminded of your absence, refusing to move even your bottle of body wash for fear of erasing your memory in even the slightest of ways. Your Converse linger on the bedroom floor, where I plan to keep them. I feel less alone that way, like you’re about to walk through the front door. Like your arms are nearby and your kiss a moment away.
This is me being ok. It hasn’t quite hit me that your gone yet. I worry for when it does. Until then I’ll keep smiling, or, at least i’ll try. The puppies send their love. Kai just farted hardcore, rivaling your worst. I mentioned “daddy” earlier only for her to stand by the back door crying for minutes before she realized you weren’t coming. But don’t worry. They won’t forget. I won’t let them. We all can’t wait for “daddy” to come home.
Always thinking of you. Always missing you. All my love, always.